Alright. I went out with my ex for a year and then for the past half year,ive been trying to get my ex back. Throughout this past year he was talking and hanging with girls,etc. No hooking up or anything like that. So,he ended up going to a party and something happened there which made me absolutely livid/upset. Since that happened,i told him i was done with him. I started going out wherever,hanging with friends,talking to guy friends,etc. Might I add that he was controlling and didnt like me doing ANY of this like going out,hanging with friends,talking to guys,and other stuff too. (Which he was doing the past half year but with girls when i was committed to him).
Anyways,now that he sees that im going out places and talking to people (nobody more than a friend),he wants to know what happens with me EVERY DAY like who i talk to ,where i go,who i hang with if i hang with anyone. If i tell him i talked to one of my guy friends,went somewhere,etc...hell yell at me and say that what i did was wrong. YET when HE does what im doing but 10 times worse(which what im doing isnt even bad. For example,i went to the mall today and he thought that was the worst thing i could have done by the way he was yelling at me), he thinks its ok for him to do it though..but yet he thinks he can yell at me and say that im wrong even though hes doing it!
Also,every day when he wants to know what happens with me...at the end of our convo., he always says that he doesnt care what happens with me and always makes a threat like ;now im going to my friends party since you did that; (cuz he knows I absolutely HATE when he goes to parties.
CLEARLY,he does care still if he wants to know who im talking to ,what im doing,etc. Im going to add here too that I want to know stuff about him too but thats because im still in love with him and scared that hell find another girl but at least i admit it.
Another thing is that over last weekend,we hung out and things were really good and he mentioned how hes scared of me being with another guy.
So,my question is why do you think hes doing this and why do you think that he wants to know everything that goes on with me and yells at me but then says he doesnt care even though he gets mad and stressed out if i talk to a guy friend or go places like tanning,mall,etc.? and please dont say ;hes your ex for a reason; or anything like that,please. I just want answers/opinions to what you guys think about why hes doing this and saying he doesnt care. Thank you.Ex boyfriend says he doesnt care but yet wants to know everything that goes on with me?
Samantha,
When I read more than your question - not the detailed explanation - I felt that the operative word was going to be ;controlling;.
With the personality you describe, it doesnt matter whether he ;cares; or not because.as far as hes concerned, he feels you are still his possession. All the rest of the stuff is just words. This guy has some psychological problems which he probably doesnt recognize but that you need to understand.
Hes into himself - not you. You are a thing. You were his and as far as youre concerned, youre your own person now, but as far as he thinks, youre still his. He just happens to know your buttons.
What business of his is it whom you talk to or go out with? And yet there he is. Right in your business. Of course, you let him in. Do you think he is sincere or manipulative?
Im sure there are times when he can be very sweet and loving but you need to give some serious thought about whether or not you want to put up with his controlling for the rest of your life. Because make no mistake, this kind of personality can become a lot more verbally abusive and also physically abusive. So when I say,;rest of your life; Im not referring to your old age.
Whether or not he still cares about ;you; is really not the issue. Because hes going to want to control you as long as you let him. Bit by bit you will lose more of the person your should have grown up to be.
You dont want honest answers, because there is ;something; about him. Well theres more than something. This guy has a personality disorder.
Read on:
http://www.ec-online.net/knowledge/artic??/a>
http://nlp-plus.com/articles/Personality??/a>
http://saveyourmarriage.co.uk/wp/is-your??/a>
Do you realize that you asked this question many hours ago and I wrote the first answer just now. That might be because you said you didnt want to hear ;hes not your ex for a reason; but I think that at one point you were able to exercise common sense of perhaps it was just good luck that you split.
Anyone who quizzes you on what you were doing and with whom, who criticizes what you do, may or may not ;care; but in a way, they dont give a *^%26amp;# about the real you. I dont care if he tells you he loves you, he isnt able to protect you from an abusive person in your life...him.
Please, there are other people in this world. Think about why you liked him. What attracted you to him, what made you stay together, why you broke up. Think about how this may be linked to your past or how you may have been willing to look the other way at times.
Was he always this controlling and manipulative? If he wasnt like this before, perhaps hes just acting out of fear of losing you. I suppose that is a far out possibility. And that he is clumsy about his expression of caring for fear of getting hurt.
Its a possibility although I dont buy it. Give this some serious thought. Look back on your past relationship. Respect yourself when you think of your future.
And it is time to stop shopping for answers. Just by acting so needy you set yourself up for him to walk all over you. Put your life in order - set some realistic priorities about growing up. You may not care about him that much if you can meet that life challenge.
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